Echo's Haven Macaw Rescue Sanctuary The Complete Bird Community
Our goal is to provide a free-flight home for formerly abused, unwanted or problem Macaws.

 

"My Human, My Slave"

By Echo Bird and Dust Bunny ‘Too

As told to Elizabeth Aaron

1 - INTRODUCTION

Humans are basically dumb animals. Whether you find them in the neighborhood pet shop, disturbing your nap, or running wild through the Amazon Basin dressed in nothing but a loincloth, one thing is certain, they CAN be trained to become obedient servants! All it takes is a little patience and conditioning.

The earliest known human fossil was found in England and, perhaps due to an inordinate fondness for cheese, is known by the name of ‘Cheddar Man’. He lived in caves, never bathed, ate other animals and communicated with other humans by a series of grunts. Man has been very slow in his evolution and has changed very little since the days of Cheddar Man.

Man has been around a very long time and, if science is correct, is a direct descendant of the ape. Millions of years ago, man was covered with strange looking feathers called fur. Now he is totally plucked and must wear suits of artificial plumage. We have seen the human without his feathers and it’s not a pretty picture. Trust us, it is a sight too disgusting for words.

The human being thinks that he is the superior species upon this great planet, earth. We, of course, know differently. Anyone with half a brain knows that the parrot is at the top of the brain chain. We must never allow our humans to reach this conclusion however, for their knowledge would lose us the advantage. As long as the humans think that they are in charge, they will never realize how diligently we have trained them.

In this book, we are going to teach you a method of training that we call ‘loving ascendancy’. This is a technique of bending the human’s will to yours without breaking his spirit.

While teaching you this, we will explore the psychology of human behavior. Man is a highly intelligent animal in the middle of his evolutionary cycle, and if you keep in mind that man’s intelligence is different than animal or psitticine intelligence, you have taken the first step towards establishing a loving, dominant position with your human.

We can already see some of you fluffing. Now wait a moment and read on. Humans want to be trained; they want to please you. (Have you ever noticed how many bird toy catalogs come to your human every month?) Remember that the sole purpose for this tome is to provide a soft, easy life for the parrot. Humans, once used to the training, seem to obey without any detriment to their psyches.

The bird planning on sharing his home with a human, must first determine what type of human he wants and what to expect from the different types of humans in their relationship to the parrot/master. It is very important to choose your human while keeping in mind your needs and expected lifestyle.

We have years of experience with training our human and the contributing birds have given us their expertise. Together, we have determined a foolproof plan to turn your human from an obstinate, independent being into a docile, adoring slave.

We will cover the various techniques of human behavior modification, in depth. You will find a large range of information for your use. Within this book, we will analyze the differing personality traits of humans, as well as provide you with an overview of various human characteristics.

We will also cover the subject of how a human grows and develops in society. This will give you an idea of their motivation for various misbehaviors, and the insight to correct your human quickly and humanely.

We know that going to a new home and taking the responsibility for the happiness and welfare of your human is a large and frightening step. We hope that our book will help to make the transition less stressful for both you and your human slave. Many books have been written about the human/canine and the human/feline bond. This is the FIRST book written BY parrots, FOR parrots!

This manual is FOR THE BIRDS!

"My Human, My Slave" copyright Gail Martin 2000, all rights reserved

Hardcover copies of the book will be available again in mid-summer 2005