Marcus Q & A

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Marcus Q & A's

Here are some FAQ's to help bird owners.

Many of you have been bombarding me with questions. As things often go, these questions are often exactly the same. To help the flow of information, I have compiled a list of these questions and the wisdom of the answers to the questions.

Question. MikeE, it's obvious that Marcus, the Iron Beak of Death is a vigorous, active bird. Is there a special diet that you use for Marcus?

Answer. An excellent question. Yes, for a bird to be in fine fighting form, he must have a scientifically formulated diet. Marcus for instance has been training to forage in my yard for such organic foods as slugs, June Beetles, ants, termites, crab grass, various worts such as mug wort and poison ivy. This diet has the side benefit of being quite easy on the wallet as well, not to mention shaping the yard up.

Question. MikeE, my bird is so insipid compared to Marcus. He never bites and seems to love people. What can I do about this?

Answer. Your question is very insightful. Yes, Marcus is just the bird to prevent boredom. Unfortunately, you have waited too late to ask this question. To get a lively and comic genius like Marcus, you must sneak into the jungles of Molucca and throw a bag over a young M2. Then, over a period of time, you must move him from home to home until at last, he reaches the proper character traits you yearn for. Fortunately for you however, Marcus is available to enliven your life. Contact me immediately.

Question. MikeE, my bird seems to pick feathers and I can't get him to stop. What can I do about this?

Answer. A brilliant question. Yes, on the face of it, plucking is a problem. But take a moment and think about it. Would you like to go through life carrying around a hot bedraggled dirty blanket of smelly feathers sticking into your skin? Of course not! Well, your bird doesn't like it either. Naturally he seeks to remove the offending feathers only to be frustrated as they grow back time after time. The best solution I can offer is to buy MikeE's brand of painless feather remover. You simply apply a small electrically current to the base of each feather and each feather falls out, never to return. Then you will want to buff your newly sleek bird with some of MikeE's brand of skin wax for a glossy shine. Both are sold as a package for the low price of $129.95. Contact me immediately.

Question. MikeE, you seem to be sadly lacking in any real knowledge concerning birds, how do you get by presenting yourself as an expert.

Answer. This is a pathetic question. Obviously you are a sad loser who seeks to augment his own sense of worth by attacking your betters. Fortunately, you can by MikeE's book of "101 Ways To Get a Life" for only $35.99. Contact me immediately.

Question: MikeE, I've heard over the internet about Marcus' mighty fight with a pack of timber wolves. Is it really true that he consumed 11 full-grown snarling killers?

Answer: Absolutely not! This is what I hate about the internet and chat sites. These strange stories get started somehow and spread in every direction faster than light. Of course the denials never seem to catch up. The very thought that you could be gullible enough to believe this fevered story worries me. I was there at that so-called epic battle. There were only 8 wolves and 3 got away.

			Echo's Haven Macaw Rescue Sanctuary The Complete Bird Community
Our goal is to provide a free-flight home for formerly abused, unwanted or problem Macaws.